Am I still dreaming?

I remembered when you said goodbye.

It didn't hurt, not at first, just a sort numbness that crept inside, as though someone had applied some emotional anaesthetic.

And things just became all so surreal. I wasn't sure which was reality and which wasn't, and everything seemed to just blend into each other. It was as though suddenly, I was no longer myself, like I had been thrown far away and I was watching myself eat, sleep, drink, laugh and cry, going through the motions but not really there.

It was a dream, you leaving me. One I wasn't sure I was going to wake up from.

Looking back now, I find myself surprised that it was me who cried over you, it was me who argued with you, it was me that spent those long rainy hours talking to you.

I didn't forget, I never have, but I keep thinking; was it really me? Did I really go through all that? Had you and I really existed in the past?

If it was and we had... then why does it feel so unreal? Why do I feel like some parts of it slipped away so quietly, while other parts kept growing?

I've grown a little now, and though I don't think about you as often or as destructively, I secretly come back to you whenever life deals me a bad hand.

But worst of all, I suppose, is that now I can't seem to figure it out.

Am I here now, or am I still dreaming?